My mother is gone after a long struggle with Alzheimer's. She did not let the disease define her

Lynn Bucholtz, on her 77th birthday in October, 2010.

My mother Lynn Bucholtz died on Sunday, July 5. She was 86 years old, and had been suffering from Alzheimer’s disease for most of the past decade.

Like many other aspects of her long and interesting life, she did not let Alzheimer’s define her. Nor did she allow it to rob her of her dignity and personhood.  She endured it - and even right to her final few days, she didn’t let it get her down.

Lynn Woolard was born on Oct. 11, 1933 in Regina, first child of Frank and Kay Woolard. Her arrival in this world came at a time of great uncertainty - kind of like what we are enduring now, but in many ways much worse.

Her parents had to hide the fact that Kay was pregnant and delay getting married. They did so because Frank had lost his job and, at the depths of the Great Depression, wasn’t too likely to find another one in Saskatchewan. (There was no CERB or even EI in those days). Kay had a job, but she would lose it as soon as they were married - because married women at that time were expected to rely on their husbands for support.

This horrible set of circumstances embarrassed Frank and Kay and they never talked about it until the time of their 60th anniversary approached. Their family then found out that their wedding date was actually several months later than they had always said it was.

Soon after her birth, Lynn’s grandparents had to relocate from Regina to Saskatoon in order for her grandfather to keep his job with Canadian Pacific Railway. He had been a locomotive engineer, but had to move and revert to being a fireman, with less pay, to keep working. Not long before, they had been forced to move from a large home into a smaller one because an unscrupulous American lawyer had taken most of the money he had inherited from a brother.

Frank and Kay and Lynn also relocated to Saskatoon, and Frank soon left for B.C. in the hopes of getting work there. His brother Clarence had been able to find a job at Canadian Western Lumber in Fraser Mills, and Frank was hopeful he would find something.

Kay gave birth to their second child, son Jack, and then moved to B.C. with the baby. Lynn was left behind with her grandparents and their two daughters, Vera and Eleanor. Vera, who was about 10 at the time, was always very special to Mom.

This separation from her parents at a very young age had a deep effect on Mom. While she had a good relationship with her grandparents, it wasn’t the same as being with her parents - at that critical time when a child really needs that sense of love and security. This is one reason why she was so determined to be the best mother and grandmother she could be when that time came.

Frank was able to find some work in the New Westminster area and by 1937, had obtained a job with Canadian Customs at the U.S.-Canada border in Surrey. He worked at Douglas, Pacific Highway and White Rock, on occasion riding passenger trains from the U.S. to clear passengers before they arrived at the White Rock port of entry. The family moved to White Rock and Lynn and her three siblings (sisters Patsy and Carol were born in B.C.) enjoyed an idyllic childhood - playing on the beach during the summer months and involved in Sunday school, Guiding and other community activities.

The Depression had set the Woolards back financially, as happened to so many other people. They were never able to own a home or a vehicle while living in White Rock.

Lynn was a good student and an avid reader from a young age. She graduated from Semiahmoo High School in White Rock in 1950, shortly before her family moved to Burnaby. Frank was promoted to a job on the inspection staff with Customs, and was based in Vancouver. He travelled widely and often said it was the most satisfying job he had in his over 35 years with Customs.

While still in high school, she obtained a job at a fashion store in White Rock. She loved clothing and shoes, and was always a stylish dresser. This job inspired her to go into fashion design and she took a design course in Vancouver after the family moved. She continued this interest right until she was dealing with Alzheimer’s - she and daughter-in-law Bonnie made a wedding dress for granddaughter Lauren that she had designed.

On a return trip to White Rock on June 15, 1951, her life took a fateful and deeply satisfying turn. While visiting with friends on the pier, she met Art Bucholtz, the brother of two of her high school classmates. The two were attracted to each other and soon began dating. Lynn was 17 at the time - Art was 28.

This initial meeting led to a quick engagement and marriage. Their wedding took place on Dec. 29, 1951 in a snowstorm, at the home of Lynn’s parents.
Their first meeting is today commemorated with a plaque on one of the planks used to rebuild the pier after the damage it suffered in the December, 2018 wind storm. I had been hoping to take Mom to see that plaque this summer. Mom and Dad visited the pier every June 15 to relive that first meeting.

After they were married, they lived in a series of rental homes in Cloverdale, where Art was running Venus Cleaners with his business partner Norm Moore. They sold the cleaning business (Norm soon bought it back) and Art sold cars before starting Cloverdale Sporting Goods.

I was born in November, 1953. On Sunday, I saw for the first time a copy of the British Columbian newspaper from September of that year, where Mom is pictured on the front page selling admission tickets to the Surrey Fall Fair. She was 19 at the time, and six months pregnant. In the photo, she looks gorgeous.

Art and Lynn were able to buy a 2.5-acre property on Thomas Road (182 Street) in Cloverdale and build a home for their family. As a veteran, Art was able to get a loan through the Veterans Land Act to build the home. They moved in not too long before my sister Holly was born in July, 1955.

Lynn loved being a mother, but the pressure of a young child, a pregnancy, building a home and starting a new business, coupled with other longstanding concerns she had struggled with for years, proved too much. She suffered severe depression after Holly was born and spent a significant time in hospital.

The two of us spent lots of time with our grandparents, who were a big help. Mom got a lot of help from medical professionals and continued to get assistance for many years. I have struggled with a milder form of depression on a number of occasions, and I greatly admire the significant effort Mom made to deal with depression and live a full life.

She was a true business partner to Dad, taking care of finances and working in the store one day a week. This continued as Stuart was born in January, 1959 and Laurel in November, 1961. Their business partnership continued for more than 50 years, as they invested in real estate and mortgages and set up several companies. Dad turned to real estate in 1963 and continued his involvement in it for the rest of his life. Mom’s business acumen was not high-profile, but it was a crucial part of their financial successes. They never made a major decision that they did not agree on.

We all enjoyed growing up in our home, which was the scene of many family gatherings, social events and memorable events (including more than a few loud arguments). Mom wasn’t a big fan of housework or cooking, but she loved to sew and decorate and took up oil painting, which she was exceptionally good at.

She encouraged all of us kids to cook and bake. We did the supper dishes every day, and both she and Dad ensured that we always had plenty of chores. There was a big garden, and Mom did a lot of canning so we could enjoy fruit in the winter months. This fruit came from our trees and others that Dad knew would produce a good crop, including a pear tree on a commercial lot in downtown Cloverdale. Lawn-cutting in particular was something for our neighbours to behold, with Dad standing in the yard and yelling out directions over the noise of the mower, as we strived to cut the lawn just the way he wanted it done.

A special time for us kids was going to the beach at White Rock during the summer. We went almost every Sunday with friends, and often had fish and chips from Cottage Lunch, where the same people who had owned it when Mom was growing up were still there. These were the only restaurant meals we had all year (with one exception - we were taken out for a meal on our birthdays). We often went to the beach during the week as well. Mom loved to lie in the sun and she knew us kids would keep busy for hours, playing in the sand, swimming, finding sea creatures and watching for trains.

Mom and Dad were very involved in our church and school, Zion Lutheran, and played key roles in many building projects. Mom for years taught art at the school. They also opened their home to visitors to church, and on most Sundays cooked up pancakes while making the newcomers feel welcome. Dad was the extrovert salesman. Mom was the quieter person who really made people feel welcome and valued.

She did this for many years in women’s groups and Bible studies. Perhaps the most significant mentoring that she did was with Dad when they became deeply involved in Marriage Encounter in the 1970s. They helped organize ME weekends, encouraged couples to attend, and followed up afterwards with a wide variety of ME gatherings. Marriage Encounter made a huge difference in their lives, as Dad began to see how communicating on a deeper level with Mom was good for both of them, and for their family. They continued this deep level communication right up until Dad’s death in November, 2017. It was truly inspiring.

Lynn, Art and their four children  - Laurel, Stuart, Holly and Frank - in a family photo taken at grandson Joel's wedding to  Kelsey in the summer of 2013. Family was a very big part of Lynn's life.

As us kids married and had families, she took on a new and very valued role as a grandmother. She loved her grandchildren. She enjoyed spending one-on-one time with them and built a special relationship with each of them.

One of the places that was very special to the whole family was a lakefront home in Osoyoos that they owned from 1990 until 2004. We all had special time there, and for the grandkids, those memories from their growing up years are very important.

She also treasured her great-grandchildren and had a chance to meet the latest of them, our daughter Christina and her husband Uzo’s daughter Chidinma, not long before her passing.

A special trip that Mom and I enjoyed was in 2008. She had driven across the country with Laurel to deliver a truck, horse trailer and other household goods to granddaughter Lauren and her husband Jeremy, who were living in Truro, Nova Scotia at that time. She did not want to fly home, so we arranged that I would fly to Nova Scotia and Mom and I would take the train back home. It was a wonderful trip. She enjoyed stopping in Kingston, Ontario to see our son Andrew, who was studying at Queens University at the time. She loved the meals, the scenery and the chance to take a nap in her roomette whenever she felt like it.

Lynn was always ready to add new children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren to her life. Here she is in 2010 with great-granddaughter Nakai, daughter of her newly-acquired granddaughter Amanda. Nakai, who is now 10, played guitar and sang for her last week via Facetime, along with her mother. 

Mom told us that she was getting Alzheimer’s even before she was diagnosed with it. Both her mother and grandmother had suffered from dementia, so there was a hereditary element at play. She faced this with dignity (and tears at times). Laurel and her husband Steve remodelled an existing building on their Langley farm to make a cottage home for Mom and Dad, and they moved back there (they had lived on the farm for 15 years beforehand) in 2012. They enjoyed being back there and Susan, their caregiver who had started to help them soon after their move back, made it even easier to cope. There were stressful times for both Mom and Dad - growing old is not easy at the best of times, and Alzheimer’s complicated things greatly. Both Mom and Dad had been very independent and the loss of this independence was very tough on them. Steve and Laurel did an awesome job enduring some very challenging occasions, but the atmosphere at the farm was one of overriding love and concern for Mom and Dad’s wellbeing.

Mom moved to Simpson Care Home in Fort Langley in December, 2015 when the advancing Alzheimer’s made it difficult for her to walk, Dad stayed on at the cottage until March, 2017, but visited Mom every day. He was able to move into a double room with her, after a fall and a stint in the hospital. He died of heart failure at age 94 on Nov. 12, 2017, and we feel he was ready to leave this Earth after he was assured that Mom was well-cared for.

Mom stayed on at the care home, assisted by Susan and Irene, who relieved Susan on her days off and was also was a great help. The care aides, recreation staff, food service workers, nurses and other staff members at the care home (now known as Fort Langley Seniors Community) were, on the whole, wonderful to both Mom and Dad. As we have seen during the COVID-19 crisis, there are not enough of them and they have not been valued by society at large the way they should be. I hope this will change permanently. Mom also enjoyed the visiting musicians and other types of entertainment. Depriving residents of this bright spot for the past four months has been very hard on them.

Mom really came to depend on Susan and Irene to take care of her and be her companions. They knew her needs very well and were always caring and compassionate. They respected Mom’s dignity at all times. We visited her frequently, and the grandkids from far away visited when they were back in the area. All members of our family are so grateful for the outstanding care and love for Mom shown by Susan and Irene, and many others.

When COVID-19 started to close care homes to visitors, we were told Susan could no longer be with Mom on a daily basis. My sister Laurel, who has done an outstanding job as Mom’s primary advocate, took this to the highest level but the care home would not let her (or anyone else) in. So she acted quickly.

Mom moved back to the cottage on March 20, and almost immediately was able to get outside almost daily. We took her for walks, she was able to see the farm animals, the colours and light that she so loved (and often portrayed in her paintings) was ever-present. She was eating better, the use of medications was reduced and she was truly happy.

She was of course impacted by Alzheimer’s, but she was also able to live her life to the fullest, given her circumstances.

She took a turn for the worse on Sunday, June 28 and in the following week, was visited by the four of us kids, almost all her grandkids, her brother and sister and other family members. She was able to have FaceTime visits with far-off family members, and she was very much at peace. Some of this is due to the outstanding service offered by Fraser Health Authority’s palliative care team, and their caring and assistance is valued and greatly appreciated.

On Saturday, July 4, she spent almost the entire day outside in her bed. We ensured that she was able to feel the sun and breeze, and we moved her bed around so she could enjoy being outside right until sunset.

Mom enjoyed her final sunset from her hospital bed on Saturday, July 4. We moved her bed around outside at my sister Laurel’s place, so that she could enjoy the full day. Crazy? - Yes, but also devoted to her and motivated by love.
She had a smile on her face afterwards. The next day, her breathing got more laboured and she departed Earth at 2:24 p.m. She was in her bed outside, as the sun shone and the birds sang. She has been reunited in Heaven with Dad and the Alzheimer’s is gone forever. Hallelujah.

We all loved her dearly and will miss her greatly, but she lives on in so many ways - through her paintings, her many years of family videos, her favourite sayings and, most importantly, in each of her descendants. Her sisters and brother, nieces and nephews and her many friends also cherish very good memories of her. We love you Mom - and we always will.